Alone – Perpetually

It was a beautiful day. The sun was high overhead and it was warming the house making it feel toasty and comfortable. Sarah was watching the kids play outside on the tire swing as it swooped back and forth over and over again. Michelle was standing with her two feet implanted in the middle of the oversized sleek black hole her legs stiff as boards and she was holding onto the rope grasping it tightly with both hands. Chester was pushing her laughing as she yelled continuously “higher”, “higher”.
Chester had just turned 10 and Michelle was only 8. The played together still enjoying each other’s company but Chester was starting to tire of the girlish games that Michelle enjoyed. They lived in rural America in a sparsely populated community. The town was 5, 000 large and Sarah’s family had lived there for generations. They took care of each other and watched out for the kids, the dogs, houses etc. etc. Everyone knew everyone else and it made life easy being familiar with your surroundings and everyone that occupied them.
It was rare for a family to move into the community and it was even rarer for a family to move out of the community but that was exactly what they were planning to do. Sarah’s husband Mitch had been without work for a few weeks and had landed a job in CA at Yahoo. He was a software engineer and although they had tried to make a go of it with him consulting the jobs were drying up and they would find themselves in trouble if they didn’t make some changes quickly.
She admired Mitch for his efforts. He was too good for this town and was only here for her. She had met him in college and after a wonderful three year romance they had agreed to try their hand back in her hometown and see how things went. He had not complained about the lack of money and working beneath his abilities. He continuously expressed his love and almost nightly held her close whispering that she was all he ever needed. Their lives had been ideal as far as she was concerned.
They had managed to buy a little three bedroom house with his modest income. She taught 3rd grade in the local elementary school which provided them benefits and allowed her to spend so much time with the kids. She loved her children more than anything. They had the benefit of her parents and her two sisters living close by. Her cousins helped out from time to time and they all attended the constant weekend barbecues only debating whose house it was to be at weekend after weekend.
She wiped away a small tear at the thought of leaving. Leaving her family, her life, everything she had ever known and loved would be gone. She agreed with the move. Mitch had been offered a great opportunity. A large amount of money would be thrown his way and they could afford a very nice house in one of the best neighborhoods where he would be close to work and she would attempt to find a job at one of the local schools. She would make new friends and meet new people and her kids would benefit from new experiences and an exciting new adventure.
She understood the positives and what they all meant but she still couldn’t contain the emotional sadness welling up in her seeping through the cracks of her formidable defenses. She wanted to hang onto her life here in her small hometown and didn’t want to be all alone in a place where her support system was eroded to the lady down the street who invited her to a PTA meeting now and then. She felt educated but still her experiences were minor and she couldn’t compete with the far reaching traveling housewives she knew in her heart she would have to befriend.
Chester (named after her grandfather) continued to push Michelle back and forth over and over again as she swayed the wind blowing her hair in a stream behind her then wrapping around her face as she came back to Chester’s waiting hands. They loved that swing. Mitch had hung the tire a few years back as she protested to the safety and stability of such a device. She worried constantly about her kids making it through their childhood to adulthood. She would have trouble letting them go she knew and the tears were flowing a little more freely with the thought of losing them.

It is now six years later and Sarah feels confused with where the time went. She is unsure what just occurred and how she jumped from her little kitchen window to the new suburban home in sunny CA. It seemed like she was just watching her two little children playing outside, swinging on the tire and now Chester was jumping in his jeep heading out to some sporting event while Michele was busy practicing her swimming. She had to admire their devotion. They attended practice continuously with an admirable vigor and devotion.
Mitch was working late again which was normal in this day and age. She felt like she was alone in the world with her family so far away. She had lost contact with some of her cousins but still talked to her sisters once a week and her parents every weekend. They had visited frequently in the beginning when she and her little family had first moved but as they started getting older it became more and more difficult. She wanted to visit them but could only fight the protests on so many occasions.
There was always a pull of some swim meet or a dance or a football game or or or. There was always something. Life seemed to be so hectic for everyone but her as she sat home doling out her time washing clothes and making dinner that on most occasions only she would eat. TV was fast becoming an obsession of hers and with “Friends” ending soon she was going to lose her hold on the closest family that she had found. She continued to fight for her time and the unity but there were stronger forces then she pulling them all in ways she could no longer compete.
Chester was even talking about college and as frightening for her as that sounded she could not contain the joy for what kind of man he was going to become. Michelle was gorgeous and while Sarah worried about her beginning to date she knew that both of them would need the leashes loosened a notch more every year. She should call her parents tonight she told herself as she was outside pulling the weeds from her roses that lined the driveway to their two story brick faced house. She sat back for a few minutes rolling her eyes and admiring what she had built.
She had not done the actual construction but she had built this house into a home brick by brick with each piece of wood propping up her fragile little unit. It was going on 7 but since it was summer the sun was still peeking its rays over the trees in the background. She would sit for a few more minutes and then would go and warm up the dinner she had prepared earlier hoping that somebody would find their way to the table and she would not be left eating alone for yet another night.
She should call her parents she thought, or had she thought that already. She was losing track again and would have to start writing stuff down if she couldn’t keep up. She was too young to lose her memory. She didn’t feel her age at all. She was now realizing that as your body gets old and starts to deteriorate you don’t necessarily let your mind keep up. She couldn’t decide which would be worse for her. Having a sound mind but a body that was not able to support it or having a sound body and the mind not understanding what was happening. Neither sounded appealing.

Sarah was driving with her family and for that she was happy. Michelle was off to her first year of college. She was so excited to be heading to Arizona. Sarah had hoped to keep her closer but Michelle had made up her mind and once that occurred there was no swaying her. Chester was going to catch a flight from Arizona to Washington where he was now a junior. It was so odd to see them both leaving. When Chester had first started college it was difficult but with both of her kids being out of the house Sarah felt she would lose a little bit of herself.
The drive was lively and exciting and she couldn’t contain her joy that her three most loved human beings were with her in a confined environment for such a lengthy time. She didn’t even mind the constant calls for Mitch’s work or the fact that her two beautifully kids implanted their ear pieces into their ears once the car started and didn’t take them out until it rolled to a stop. They were together and that was what mattered.
She was trying to remember the last time she had talked to her sisters and was having trouble recalling when or even what they had talked about. She really should keep in better touch with them. Her father had passed away now two years ago and her mother was living with Sharon her older sister and her family. Sarah had tried to throw her hat in the ring and have her move to CA wanting the bond of family to tighten around her but her mother would not hear of it. She couldn’t imagine leaving her wonderful town.
Sarah was having a hard time herself trying to remember what it was that had dragged her away from the tranquility she had known her whole life as well. She just couldn’t put a finger on exactly why her life had changed so much and she was in this place she found herself. She sat alone in the car that had just recently been fitted with a trailer hitch so they could load all of Michelle’s must have belongings and make the trek out to the dry desert sun.
A McDonald’s popped up over the horizon and everyone started yelling for food. Sarah had always disliked the greasy fast food but knew that she would never win the battle so she relented rather quickly. Hopefully the lettuce was fresh and she could order a salad of some sort. She was putting on a few pounds in her middle years and wanted to do the best she could to watch her figure. She wasn’t up to the plastic fakeness that surrounded her in abundance choosing to go the natural route and keep up the best that she could.

OMG, could she really be on her fourth grandchild. Michelle had just called from the hospital and had given birth to her second daughter. Sarah was so excited for her and wished that she could be there to see the birth and experience the new life entering the world. Mitch was so busy still and couldn’t get away and he didn’t like her not being in the house when he got home on the days when he was able to make it. He worked non-stop it seemed. Chester had a boy and a girl and she loved looking at the pictures on her new computer she had been given for Christmas.
Both of her children lived so far away it seemed. She still did get to see them at Christmas but Chester’s wife had now decided this would be the year that would stop as well. They lived in the same town as her parents and there was so much activity surrounding Christmas and with two kids it was just so hard to get away. Sarah understood. Life was full of hurdles and sometimes they were insurmountable.
She was working on Mitch to let her go out alone in the next few weeks to visit Michele if he couldn’t get away but she was unsure of the success with this plan. Sarah’s mother had now passed away and she really didn’t even know what was happening with her sisters. GOD, had it been over a year since she had talked to either one of them. Can life really travel so fast that you lose track of who you are and what you have become. It all seemed so close just yesterday. It was like she could see her two little kids in that tire swing, swaying back and forth but she couldn’t quite grab either one of them. She felt the tear flowing down her cheek as she sat pulling weeds from her rose bushes.
Those rose bushes were so big now. The red and pink flowers blooming lining the driveway. Everyone always commented on her roses and how amazing they looked in all their beauty and elegance.

Mitch died last year. He had a heart attack they say from overworking and not taking enough time out of life to breathe and keep the blood freely flowing from his heart as it overworked trying to keep him moving. Sarah hadn’t really noticed but now realized how unhealthy he had become, overweight, no exercise and his diet was unknown to her since he ate at his office so often. She cried at his funeral but not from missing him as he had left her many years before but from the memories of who he once was and what they at one point in time had.
She had loved him still and always would love him. She was unsure of what she would do with herself and sadly let her daughter off the hook when she hesitantly asked her to come and live with her family. She could see the relief in Michele’s eyes when she told her she would be fine on her own and didn’t mind staying in her home that she had built. Sarah had her friends and she had her activities. She would do the best she could and deal with life in the way she always had.
As she got home from her walk of the morning she admired her rose bushes and was surprised to see them drooping in places and two of them on the left side of the drive seemed to be turning brown. Everything in her life was turning brow it seemed. Sarah walked into her home and softly cried as she couldn’t remember talking to her sisters and had missed them when Mitch died and they had not even shown up to say goodbye. It had been years since they had seen each other but still she was their sister and Mitch had deserved better.

It was a beautiful day. The sun was high overhead and it was warming the house making it feel toasty and comfortable. Michele was watching the kids play outside on the swing as it swooped back and forth over and over again. Jessica was standing with her two feet implanted in the middle of the black plastic seat with her legs stiff as boards and she was holding onto the chains grasping them tightly with both hands. Susan her sister was pushing her and Jessica yelled continuously “higher”, “higher”.
Susan had just turned 10 and Jessica was only 8. The played together still enjoying each other’s company but Susan was starting to tire of the girlish games that Jessica enjoyed. They lived in suburban America in a densely populated community. Michele loved watching the kids play in the backyard and knew that she should be better at keeping in contact with her mom Sarah. It had now been several days since they had last talked, maybe even over a week……………….