In an exciting new development FOX networks has found its replacement for Paula Abdul now that she has left American Idol. It will be Octomom (Nadya Suleman). You might be asking the question what makes Nadya qualified to have a two hour special on the network for insanity. Well her qualifications are getting injected by a nut ball fertility doctor and then having a shitload of kids. I mean we all know that having a shitload of kids qualifies you for all kinds of unique and interesting things. FOX has suggested they are interested in reporting on Nadya’s ability and process for raising 126 children at one time. The interesting thing is how you report on fiction. Wouldn’t Nadya be required to care about the kids to begin with in order for her to be video-taped raising them?
Nadya seemed to have a plan from the beginning to turn her body into a mini-me factor for the sole purpose of exploiting the offspring for monetary purposes. Sadly our society seems to be allowing this to happen and we will all tune in to watch the demise of the shitloads. Didn’t the Osborne’s do something like this as well on MTV? It begs to question how she fed them. Did Nadya breastfeed all 126 of them. If she did, how did her body produce that much milk? I personally am all for breastfeeding. It makes breasts grow naturally large and it is a source for nourishment. The best part is if you have been out all night drinking and you can’t pull your drunk ass out of bed you can just roll over and take a little suck for yourself. Women don’t mind their men taking a little on the side do they. Those damn kids shouldn’t get everything.
I wonder if it is possible for women to keep milk long after the children have grown if their husbands suckle a little every night. In a recent study (Reuters Health), it was found that women who breast fed their babies and had a sister, mother or relative with breast cancer were 59% less likely to get breast cancer themselves if they breast fed. That is damn good right. So I say take that one step further and breast feed your husband’s as well. If you have a decent husband he should be on those bad boys most of the time anyway right. Let him get some nourishment out of it while he is working up a lather.
Without directly saying so it appears that a women’s body is so geared up for producing breast milk that if it is not allowed to do so it gets all funky and cancer ensues. Pump it up ladies. Let’s market this stuff if we have to. Now if Nadya is breast feeding her body must be working in high gear. How can you have 126 kids and breast feed and not have the biggest natural breasts ever known to mankind? Those bad boys must be the size of George Lopez’s head times two. The man has a big head.
The only change I can see being required is pulling all the teeth from every male over the age of 30. We can’t be inflicting that kind of pain just to have a late night drink. It doesn’t seem fair. Unless you women are into that. If you are then who am I to question. Whatever makes you curdle? Damn, now that is some funny shit.
I have only one question. Is Nadya Catholic? You can fill in the commentary from there. This one would just be too easy to for even me to slam home.